website...makes...brain...hurt

So I followed Lisa B.'s advice and got a super-cheap web hosting account at 8-95.com. In spite of the site name, my hosting package was only $3.95/month, and I paid for a few months, which is very nice and fits my budget. I've got the pages for the site almost done, but trying to figure out all this web hosting crap has my brain in knots. Particularly the domain name server crap, which is something I haven't had to deal with in my limited web authoring experience.

I did some reading about web servers and whatnot at howstuffworks.com, and I feel like I have at least a better conceptual grasp of how the innernet works, what with their calming tone and hand-holding. The DNS stuff is still a mystery to me. My main question is: if my domain name (elsasname.com [not actually the domain name]) is registered with one company, and my web hosting is done with another company, do I need to change the DNS settings with one and/or both of those companies? Or is everything ok, and do the web hosting and the domain name just know how to talk to each other automatically?

state fair

Dick and I went to the state fair on Saturday. We experienced the demolition derby, fluffy baby animals, a 664 pound pumpkin, copulating chickens, and a delicious soft shell crab sandwich. We also had the pleasure of getting there via mass transit: Our Fair City's bus line ran shuttles every hour to the fairgrounds. At $4 round trip, it was well worth avoiding the traffic and parking nightmare.

In honor of our trip to the fair, carnival strippers! (warning: some boobies)

wanted: web hosting

In case you haven't picket up on this, I'm applying to grad school in fine arts. For the sake of having a go-to portfolio, I've been working on a website to showcase my art, and now I need a place to host it. Any suggestions? I've been paying this company for email and a to own a domain name for my last name (i.e. elsa'slastname.com), and their cheapest web package, with 5GB disk space and 250GB bandwidth is about $5 a month. I have no idea if that's a good price or not. I'm thinking 5GB should be enough to hold the several dozen image files I'm going to need to store, since web pics are delightfully low res and I'm not making them particularly big. There are also various other perks - free domains, and, I think, email, that would mean I wouldn't have to pay for that other stuff.

in need of $

Man, I am broke. Moving (which I did a couple of months ago) will do it, but mostly my own poor budgeting and profligate spending is to blame. Now I'm feeling the need to get a little side job to help rebuild my savings, especially in light of looming grad school application fees and Christmas gifts.

I'm looking for something that would only be a few hours a week (3-5ish), doesn't require long-term commitment, and isn't in food service or retail. Unless that involves, I dunno, wine or fancy cheese or something. I don't do children, either.

Thus far I've come up with the following:

-prostitute. Nice in theory; licking the asshole of some nasty guy not so nice in practice. Also, STDs. Also, very displeased boyfriend. Also, potential of transvestite/transexual Michael Caine trying to kill you.
-ticket-taker at local arty theater. Very close by, dickumbrage connections, but potentially mind-numbing.
-GRE prep course teacher. Actually, I already have this job, but the only class available to teach right now is at a college almost two hours away. Also, I'm kind of tired of it because it requires a lot of effort to, you know, teach people stuff, and it requires a certain amount of out of classroom time.

Hm, not much a list, is it? Any ideas?

get out of my life, american pornparrel!

Dear American Apparel,

Please stop invading my life with your pseudo/actual pornographic internet ads, especially the one with that 14-year old girl in cotton thing that looks like a bathing suit from a Bo Derek movie except not shiny and not a bathing suit, that is essentially a leotard not made for dancing. What the hell does one do with a leotard not made for dancing, anyway? You sell at least a dozen different ones, including one that is completely mesh. A mesh leotard folks. The only other time I've seen a mesh leotard was at a store that also sold sex toys. And that's fine. I've got nothing against mesh leotards in theory. But this mesh leotard isn't even in your "Intimates" section. Do you mean to suggest that this is somehow clothing? Mr. Charney, I know in your dirty old man fantasy world this is, in fact, what young attractive women walk around in all day. That still doesn't make it clothing.

And while 95% of the ads I can't avoid every time I try to read a freaking blog or about sports in the Village Voice or whatever feature women being scantily clad and harsly lit whilst they do hipstery provocative thing ("Oh, look at the hair fall in my face over my head in a totally unnatural way!"), the one man you put in the ad made me want to vomit. Please do not subject us to the horrid vision of a scruffy unbathed hipster man in tighty whities (all-be-them tighty burgundies). I see that picture, and I can smell the nasty B.O., feel the oil oozing from his clogged pores. There is only one woman attractetd to a man like that, and that is Lindsay Lohan. I, for one, fall on the underpants-wearing side of the spectrum.

mod MF dress

The sewing bug has bitten again, and although the room where the sewing is supposed to take place is still the room where all the crap we don't know what to do with gets stashed, I bought this pattern on ebay. It's mod! It's a-line! It's "E-Z"!

I chose this pattern because it seems like it will be really versatile (and because it claims to be E-Z to make). I could make it out of lightweight gray wool, or hot pink boucle, or iridescent silk, or an elaborate velvet print, and all versions would look great. I love the possibility of the contrast sleeve bands too: I think my first version might be some black and white houndstooth with red sleeve bands. Maybe even something in a contrasting print, to be all crazy like that. Another idea would be to use some sort of trim along the sleeves and/or bottom of the dress. Or put a giant button at the neckline. The possibilities. are. endless.

Because I cannot contain my obsession with a project in the early stages, tonight I am planning on doing some fabric shopping. Even though the patttern hasn't even arrived yet. OBSESSED.

shelter in place, fools

News of last night's explosions and chemical fires that released a cloud of poisonous chlorine gas into the air in Apex, NC (watch the video. it's impressive) reminds me of my childhood. No, really. I grew up in the "chemical valley" of West Virginia, in a town where a slow river cuts through the hills of the western edge of the Appalachians. Chemical plants line the river for several miles, including a town called Nitro, named for the nitroglycerine plant located there during WWII. I don't know how the area became dominated by the chemical industry, though maybe its because there's a lot of space and not a lot of people, and plenty of people who find a chemical plant a more comfortable place to work than a coal mine. Especially when all the coal mines are closing.

Kids in the midwest practice tornado drills at school (get under a desk, crouch into a ball, cover your head with your arms), but kids in the chemical valley practice Shelter-In-Place. Shelter-In-Place involves closing yourself into a room and sealing up windows, doors, etc. with duct tape. Every Friday at noon a test siren would sound throughout the valley. To those of us at school, it meant it was almost time for lunch.

There's even a Shelter-In-Place mascot. Meet Wally Wise:


He's a turtle. They hide in their homes. Get it? He even has a paunch to, um, help those rural Appalachian types identify with him better, I guess.

My dad has worked on the management end of the chemical industry since I was a kid, and I once had a tshirt with Wally Wise on it. I wonder what happened to it...

Oddly, Apex doesn't seem to have had any Shelter-In-Place plans in place (schools, places of work, etc. are required to in places like Chemical Valley, WV). That may be because most of the Research Triangle Park area is, natch, research-oriented rather than production-oriented, and there are few plants to speak of. But dude. A warehouse for hazardous chemicals? Don't you think you might want to warn people about that?

those cancer sticks can DANCE

So, so amazing. Apparently, one of the first TV commercials made.

I wonder what the "M.F.T" in "L.S./M.F.T" stands for...perhaps "Lucky Strike: Mother Fucking TIGHT." Or, to keep with the slogan on the package: "Lucky Strick: Mother Fucking Toasted."

barbie living

When my sister and I were young, we were crazy about Barbie dolls. Actually, not so much the dolls as all the stuff they came with. Some people argue that Barbie reinforces unrealistic feminine body ideals and traditional gender roles. Really, I think most 5 year olds are pretty oblivious to those messages coming from their dolls. Barbie, in my opinion, is about training kids to be consumers.

I think my first major Barbie accessory was a hot pink metallic corvette. Shortly thereafter my sister got a red Barbie Ferrari (more classic, perhaps, but not nearly as hott).

Being the spoiled children we were/are, we both eventually acquired Barbie houses. She had the Barbie Dream House, a three-part, two-story thing that came with balconies and furniture and shutters and fake window box plants. I had the Barbie Townhouse, a smaller, more urban style in three stories with an elevator. This seems weirdly indicative of the different people my sister and I would turn out to be in our 20s. Well, except I'd have had the Barbie Rented Arts and Crafts Bungalow.

To be fair, she doesn't have the Barbie Dream House yet, but she's a doctor, and it's only a matter of time.

the usual suspects

One of these adorable kittens peed on my gym bag this morning. I don't think we'll ever know which one, which is one of the interesting things about having three cats.

Let me tell you, washing urine off your things is not a fun way to begin your day. Especially when it's shortly followed by a message from your wireless phone company reminding you that you haven't paid your bills for two months (oops) and that you need to pay now or else.

Fortunately, in between these happy events, my wonderful man friend bought me a chocolate croissant and orange juice to cheer me up. It's not easy to shake off the crankiness caused by a pool of urine on your stuff, but that's a pretty good start.

project!

In continuing my quest to learn skills that require me to use my hands (insert joke here) and my fantasy to some day have a job that doesn't require me to work in an office all day (insert other joke here, perhaps), I'm taking an upholstery class at Local Technical College.

This chair is my project.

This picture, what with the nice morning light, makes the fabric look snappier than it in fact is. Don't get me wrong, I adore hot pink, and hot pink chenille upholstery fabric is no exception. What you don't see in the picture is that the fabric has a dingy, brownish/grayish hue to it and is incredibly faded (based on the parts of the fabric never exposed to light/people). One side of the seat cushion fell victim to spillage of hot wax, and much of the fabric on the buttons is literally worn to the threads.

The class itself is amazing, if it does provide me more exposure to the middle-aged home-schooling christian mom than I usually seek. In an uncharacteristic turn from my usual misanthropy, I've discovered that the DIY streak we have in common actually makes them pretty easy to get along with. Though I do get a bit of joy of mentioning how my project will be used in my Atheist Den of Sin with my Shack-up Boyfriend To Whom I Am Not Married But With Whom I Have Sex NOT EVEN FOR THE PURPOSE OF HAVING CHILDREN.

presidential doodles, other random caffeine-induced thoughts

I really want this book. For some reason I feel like that means I have succumbed to the brainwashing of the Shallow Hipster Elite. But is it so wrong to want to see Lyndon B. Johnson's "slightly nightmarish scribbled man-on-fire aesthetic”?

Apparently, all I blog about these days is recycled info from various Gawker blogs. Eesh. I should try doing some work.

Now, off to a meeting with Insane Egomaniacal Boss's Boss Man. Always a treat.

poor doggie

This seemed like the kind of thing on which Ms. Bunchofpants would report wonderfully, but I figured I could offer up the topic for potential insightful analysis.

In Washington, D.C. yesterday morning a park police officer shot and killed a dog playfully running loose in the park. The dog, a pit bull named Precious, belonged to a resident homeless preacher named Texas Joe.

Via Wonkette, and I'll agree with their interpretation of events:

The real cause of the murder seems to be this: A power-mad federal cop told Texas Joe to put Precious on a leash, and when the harmless homeless man didn’t jump fast enough for the cop, the cop shot Precious dead.

And, it highlights the unwarranted reputation pit bulls have as inherently aggressive, dangerous animals (fyi, they're not).

child of the corn

So I've got this Lion Brand yarn left over from a project, and I don't know what to knit with it. So I go to the Michael's Lion Brand Pattern Finder, search for patterns with this yarn, and lo and behold...





Is it genius? Madness?

I'm just glad I don't have the skill level to create this. Because I know some people soon to have babies, and I'd be tempted.

a place to rest one's ass

So Dick and I moved into a place together a few weeks ago, a charming little Arts & Crafts bungalow. But little it is, any my couch is too big for the living room. Out it goes, we said, and now we've entered the hell that is trying to purchase a sofa. Actually, we're looking for something more loveseat sized (or what trendy stores seem to be calling "Apartment Sofas" these days). My god, how can a mass of foam, fabric, and wood cost so damn much? I mean, even a Todd Oldham loveseat is $979.00 at Target. I don't shop at Target, but I used to, and this whole $1000 loveseat thing is not the Target I once loved.

The used sofa option is on the table, but it turns out that people, at least people around here, have terrible taste, as evidenced by nearly every single post on the local craigslist. I like to imagine shopping for used furniture in Scandinavia is like an orgiastic Adventures in Cheap Modernism, porn for people obsessed with clean lines. But in the middle south, it's more a bring-your-own-vomit-bag affair. Dear people: please do not buy a sofa with a floral pattern unless it was made before 1978. Please. And those expensive leather things that look like a morbidly obese sea lion rubbed with olive oil? Yeah.

the king of creep

American Apparel CEO Dov Charney, who's creepiness was made public in a 2004 Jane Magazine article (alas, hard to find on the innernet these days), has been stripped of the King of Creep title. The new winner: 'Girls Gone Wild' CEO Joe Francis. Based on the experiences of a writer from the L.A. Times, the reality of the new King of Creep makes the "get young women drunk and get them to do dirty things" premise of the videos seem ethical by comparison. Being a violent, emotionally stunted and thoroughly misogynisitic person is much, much worse for the world when you've got a shitload of money.

photoness

Image005
Originally uploaded by elsacapuntas.

I decided today that I want to create a website for my photos (this is the sort of idea I come up with when bored in a meeting), sort of as a start to preparing for applying to MFA programs. Thus, I have uploaded ten black and white photos I did a while back for the world to see. Luckily, it seems that the largest jpeg I really would want to have is a relatively small file, but I"m still thinking about signing up for Flickr Pro account for the hosting. That way I wouldn't have any limits on how many files I could upload and bandwidth and all that crap. Anyone out there have experience using Flickr as a hosting service?

It turns out, though, that when I initially created these files in the high-tech fashion of lying photographs on the ground and making digital "slides" of them with a digital camera, I didn't have the camera set to record at a high enough resolution to makes these things look ok. I can't remember how I resized them, but at full size these they look like ass. Any suggestions out there for how to do this better next time? Getting the color right for black and white photos in a digital version is a pain in the ass, too, because despite what the name suggests, black and white photo papers have different tints to them. This one is "warm," and thus a bit greenish.

it doesn't look quite like this

I made this dress last night. The pattern is from Blueprint, a new Martha Stewart vehicle. It was so damn easy looking, and I have a bunch of fabric a friend gave me for free a few weeks ago, so I ran right home after to work to try it out. I chose a light blue cotton with 1/8" gold wiggly stripes that is basically like a men's shirting fabric.

Making the dress ended up being a bit of a, ahem, learning experience. I made the dress following the instructions, but when I tried it on it was huge. Positively tentlike. I took out one of the side seams, cut away 4 inches of fabric, and it was still too big. Took out the seam again, cut away more fabric, and, lo and behold, it was too small. Since you sew the side seams first, I would have had to take out every single seam I had sewn to make the side seams smaller so the dress would fit. Instead I donated the first dress to my cat for a new thing-on-which-to-lay and used the remaining fabric to start over again.

The dress still ended up a little big, but it's probably an issue inherent to wearing a garment that is essentially a rectangular laundry bag: you're going to end up with some extra billowing in the upper torso area. As the picture indicates, you pretty much need to wear a belt or something with the dress to give it some shape. I'm going to make a wide sash with some extra fabric to make a sort of midriff band, which in trials looked really nice. In the end, it actually turned out quite cute, and perfect for the terribly hot weather that has recent beset the region. Some day I'll get a digital camera so I can share pictures of these things more often than the occasions when I can surreptitiously borrow my camera from work.

fuck you, day!

It's been a demoralizing day, and it's only barely past lunch. Sample:

-Power went out in my apartment while I was getting ready for work, for no apparent reason (it wasn't even raining)
-Forgot my access badge for work
-Got soaked by a sudden rainstorm while waiting to be picked up after lunch
-Thought had resolved issue that caused significant other and I to not sign lease yesterday with new slum landlord, only to discover that slum landlord had a new evil plan in store: to make us go through the rigamarole of lease signing and deposit-paying only to tell us that they, the landlord, would not be signing the lease until they had completed the background check. So now these people have my money, and I don't even have a real lease.
-Have gotten absolutely nothing done at work today

Right now I'm thinking maybe I should avoid turning on the stove and using any power tools until I'm solidly into Wednesday.

dressification

I made my first purchase via an Ebay auction ever. Well, at least kind of - a friend bid on my stereo receiver and speakers for me when I was in college, but I didn't do anything except approve dollar amounts. This time I did it all solo. I was the only bidder, which is a good way to win the thing you bid on at a good price.

My prize:



Including shipping, the grand total is $12.99. I hope it fits.