an imperial post

Recently, at my job working for the Office of Computers 'n' Stuff at Southern Private University (where, I must clarify, I don't actually do things that require a special knowledge of computers 'n' stuff), I downloaded a driver for a new program made by people who work about ten feet away from me that promptly killed my brand new laptop. Well, it killed the Windows start-up, at least, so I spent the whole day in a small gray cube twidding my thumbs. The only reading material available was a 1973 edition of Websters New Collegiate Dictionary. The result of my perusal and boredom is a quaint little story, below, illustrating ten different definitions for the word "imperial."

"Ah, the life of an imperial[1] subject," he sighed, stroking his imperial[2] as he read the imperial[3] decree printed on a sheet of nearly imperial[4] size paper. "Despite my imperial[5] yearly stipend, the task of spreading the imperial[6] measurement system to every corner of the imperial[7] world is quite an imperial[8], and leaves me wishing I were instead an imperial[9] in days past slaying heretics and heathens for the holy imperial[10]."

1. adj; of, relating to, or befitting an empire or an emperor
2. n; [fr. the beard worm by Napolean III]: a pointed beard growing below the lower lip
3. adj; regal; imperious
4. n; a size of paper usu. 23x 31 inches
5. adj; of superior or unusual size or excellence
6. adj; belonging to the official British series of weights and measure
7. adj; of or relating to the British Commonwealth and Empire
8. n; something of unusual size or excellence
9. n; an adherent or soldier of the Holy Roman Empire
10. n; emperor