dear grandma: you are not being divorced

My grandmother - my dad's mom - has had dementia for several years. I'm not sure of the exact diagnosis (it's not Alzheimer's), but the symptoms are basically a progressive loss of memory. Two years ago, my grandfather died under somewhat mysterious circumstances: he died underneath his own car while my grandmother was still inside. He, of sound body and mind for his 80+ years, had taken care of her. She didn't have any memory at the time of what happened when he died, and she had a hard time remembering that he had died.

Over the next while, my grandmother would sometimes remember that my grandfather was dead, and sometimes wouldn't. She'd tell my dad, for example, she was mad at my grandfather for not being around for a couple of days. My dad gave her a call last night while Dick and I were at my folks house for Easter dinner. My grandmother was very upset, because, she told him, my grandfather had served her with divorce papers. That, she said, was why he hadn't been around lately.

My grandparents were totally devoted to each other, and it's amazing to me that while my grandmother can't remember that my grandfather died, she's constantly aware that he's missing. My poor dad doesn't know what to do - apparently they've stop reminding her that my grandfather is dead, because each time they tell her it's like she's getting the news for the first time (she is, in a way). I told my dad about this book I had heard about on NPR a while back, and he seemed interesting. Which is good, coming from the family that never admits to or seeks help for problems that are more emotional and mental than physical.