Dick Gordon, host of public radio program "The Connection" broadcast on Boston's WBUR and syndicated to many other NPR stations across the country (including my local NPR station), has been let go from the station and the show cancelled. Dick, one of Mental Archipelago's featured boyfriends, shall no longer grace my weekday mornings with that smooth 'n' smarmy voice discussing every possible current events-related topic with that magical balance of plasticine concern and skeevy sensitivity. When Dick talks to his guests, he sounds like he is seducing him or her into a hot tub. I bet you don't have to be around him too long before he puts his tongue in your ear.
The reasons stated by WBUR's official press release amount to little reason at all, though this Boston Phoenix medialog entry quotes WBUR spokeswoman Nancy Sterling saying that "the performance of the show has been flat for a number of years." This op-ed by a Harvard prof Howard Gardner printed in the Boston Globe Wednesday describes it well and parallels my own thoughts on the move.
I don't know if I'd call Dick the best in public radio programming, but as Gardner points out, it's his idiosyncracies that make him appealing. Also, I spent many a lonely day in the dark, fume-ridden closet of a darkroom at The Job I Hated during which the discussions on "The Connection" and other NPR programs were both the only thing to keep me from going completely insane and my first hook into being a regular consumer of news.
And now where am I going to hear US3's "Cantaloop" on a regular basis?
It's not like I still own a tape single of that song or anything...
Friday, July 22, 2005
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
playboyskool
Do you want to know how to pull girls?
Ok! What is pulling a girl?
Fortunately, if you want to know how to pull girls, there are some fine young men who have dedicated their lives to teaching you world class girl-pulling techniques. They are Playboyskool. They are professional ladies-men. They are from around the world (ok, like, two countries). They have the writing skills of your average thirteen-year-old. And their website has an image of founder Nick Star with a subtly photoshopped bulging crotch.
A sampling from Playboyskool: The Book...
On excercise:
On religion's role in social sexual mores:
If you're not convinced yet, you can check out profiles of the "crew" and the 1-6 start ratings for Game, Coolness, Talent, Style, and Crazyness [sic]. Damn, that Hutchy. He's a little low on the Talent scale, but he's got 6 starts for Style!
But why are all the reviews of Playboyskool HQ: The Club in German? And what's with the "unique Playboy feather-hat"?
Ok! What is pulling a girl?
Fortunately, if you want to know how to pull girls, there are some fine young men who have dedicated their lives to teaching you world class girl-pulling techniques. They are Playboyskool. They are professional ladies-men. They are from around the world (ok, like, two countries). They have the writing skills of your average thirteen-year-old. And their website has an image of founder Nick Star with a subtly photoshopped bulging crotch.
A sampling from Playboyskool: The Book...
On excercise:
Grow balls, not muscles! The more muscles you have and the more time you spend pumping away in the gym, the smaller your balls will get. This ain’t a joke, they physically really do get smaller if you wanna become a musclehead …
On religion's role in social sexual mores:
Not a long time ago the church told everyone “thou shalt not hump before your wedding”, but do you really give a wooden nickel? Didn’t think so, but even thou such rules from the church are out of date big time, the society stepped in and took it’s place. The society calls the shots nowadays in the subject of ethics and morals. You get brainwashed and sucked right into it every single day … and you might not even be aware of it.
If you're not convinced yet, you can check out profiles of the "crew" and the 1-6 start ratings for Game, Coolness, Talent, Style, and Crazyness [sic]. Damn, that Hutchy. He's a little low on the Talent scale, but he's got 6 starts for Style!
But why are all the reviews of Playboyskool HQ: The Club in German? And what's with the "unique Playboy feather-hat"?
Monday, July 11, 2005
7/11 at 7-Eleven
MeFi tells me that 7-Eleven is giving away free Slurpees in honor of the day that could be its namesake, 7-11, which happens to be today. However, Small Southern City does not have any 7-Eleven stores, which isn't really a big deal except when it's a hot July day and they're offering free high-fructose corn syrup and food coloring frozen drinks. SSC does have a gas/mini-mart establishment named simply "Joy" on a slightly sketchy semi-urban semi-sprawl road, but I've never been there.
The 7-Eleven figured more prominently into my development as a young adult in West Virginia, but even more important is regional food-and-gas chain Go-Mart. Go-Mart doesn't even have a website, meaning the company doesn't need your freaking internet or that it went bust in the last couple of years. A brief drive into the sparsely populated area outside of You Call This A City?, where I grew up, will get you a gas/snack/self-degratory Appalachian souvenir shop called Pit 'n' Git (Now With 33% More Local Flavor!). I love the name of Pit 'n' Git, for its clarity in describing what one does at the shop, for its use as a guide to the phonetic particulars of the regional accent, and for its pleasant use of the double-contracted "and."
Eat'n Park, a chain of barely mediocre restaurants that breached the wilderness of WV, is guilty of utter contracted "and" abuse. Few people are able to pass its sign without having their lives marred by the unanswerable question: "Does that mean Eat and Park, or Eating Park?" Neither option satisfies me. What the hell is an eating park? Don't you park, and then eat?
Two years after the You Call This A City? Eat'n Park opened, its doors unceremoniously closed. I like to think it was a result of the boycott of a people protesting the bastardization of quaint store names into the meaningless slogans of a greedy corporate world.
Or maybe it was just that the wait staff there was always too high to pour a glass of ice water.
The 7-Eleven figured more prominently into my development as a young adult in West Virginia, but even more important is regional food-and-gas chain Go-Mart. Go-Mart doesn't even have a website, meaning the company doesn't need your freaking internet or that it went bust in the last couple of years. A brief drive into the sparsely populated area outside of You Call This A City?, where I grew up, will get you a gas/snack/self-degratory Appalachian souvenir shop called Pit 'n' Git (Now With 33% More Local Flavor!). I love the name of Pit 'n' Git, for its clarity in describing what one does at the shop, for its use as a guide to the phonetic particulars of the regional accent, and for its pleasant use of the double-contracted "and."
Eat'n Park, a chain of barely mediocre restaurants that breached the wilderness of WV, is guilty of utter contracted "and" abuse. Few people are able to pass its sign without having their lives marred by the unanswerable question: "Does that mean Eat and Park, or Eating Park?" Neither option satisfies me. What the hell is an eating park? Don't you park, and then eat?
Two years after the You Call This A City? Eat'n Park opened, its doors unceremoniously closed. I like to think it was a result of the boycott of a people protesting the bastardization of quaint store names into the meaningless slogans of a greedy corporate world.
Or maybe it was just that the wait staff there was always too high to pour a glass of ice water.
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
big and little bangs
Yesterday's July 4th festivities indicated that if there's one thing Americans love more than freedom, it's blowing shit up. After a lifetime of pyrotechnic excitement restricted to sparklers, which generally don't blow up in your face or present the possibility of losing a finger, I finally experienced the pleasure of holding a toy consisting of an inch-long, lit fuse attached to small cylinders of explosives wrapped in festive paper. The bangs and whirling, colorful sparks are, in my opinion, only a fringe benefit of the home fireworks; the real fun is the nearness of gratuitous danger. "I may have lost a chunk of flesh, but instead a got a flashing light!"
Our nation's scientists seem to agree. In an attempt to create the firework with the greatest danger-to-visceral entertainment ratio (DVER) possible, they hurled a big heavy piece of metal at a comet. They named the project "Deep Impact" after their favorite pornographic film. "Deep Impact" was a resounding success: on July 3 at 10:52pm EST, the big heavy piece of metal hit the comet and made a big thud and a brief flash of light. The incredibly boring display, compared to the possible ramifications of throwing something into a comet, like the extinction of life on a planet, far surpassed the DVER of the previous record-setting event, Jim Thompson Mixes Bleach and Ammonia Just To See What Happens.
Our nation's scientists seem to agree. In an attempt to create the firework with the greatest danger-to-visceral entertainment ratio (DVER) possible, they hurled a big heavy piece of metal at a comet. They named the project "Deep Impact" after their favorite pornographic film. "Deep Impact" was a resounding success: on July 3 at 10:52pm EST, the big heavy piece of metal hit the comet and made a big thud and a brief flash of light. The incredibly boring display, compared to the possible ramifications of throwing something into a comet, like the extinction of life on a planet, far surpassed the DVER of the previous record-setting event, Jim Thompson Mixes Bleach and Ammonia Just To See What Happens.
Friday, July 01, 2005
panda cam!
You can watch the pandas at the Atlanta Zoo ALL DAY. Well, at least from 10-5. Which, being work-time, is of course the perfect time for watching pandas.
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